I've been going through a lot of changes lately; physically, mentally, and emotionally. I've uncovered many hidden aspects of myself I've been too scared to face. And I've started working toward changing them and bettering myself.
Something that's been coming up a lot in my reading is the idea that we are not our habits. Our habits, both negative and positive, are called samskaras in Sanskrit, and Patanjali assures us in the Yoga sutras that they do not define us. They're just habits. And habits can be changed.
This ties back to my (still inconsistent) meditation practice. I've been meditating on my bad habits a lot lately. I've been doing tons and tons of self-reflecting on the habits and patterns that don't serve me. I've been trying to "own" my bad habits, instead of projecting them onto others, so I can truly overcome them. That just means being completely aware of the nasty parts of myself that hurt me and others.
I've been starting with something small, that I've been aware of for a long time, but haven't ever really tried to fix. And that's my bad habit of procrastinating. I'm a professional procrastinator; a postponer of action. Not acting and procrastinating are basically synonyms. I'm not proud of it, but I'm owning it. Every night I check-in with myself to see where I successfully overcame procrastination and where I fell short (and always staying non-judgemental and compassionate toward myself). When I check-in I also set intentions for me to tackle the next day. Taking a calm, slow, conscious approach has been incredibly helpful. I don't feel overwhelmed, or that I'm not doing "enough". I'm working at a pace that serves me, and I think the past 2 weeks have been the most productive of my life! And that is the most encouraging feeling of hope I've had in a long time.
:)
